When i was in primary school i used to fear getting korean food for lunch... 'cause everyone ate sandwiches and i feared what they might say about my strange looking (though yummy) asian food... (i usually ate it in secret really quickly then go to my friends and say i wasn't hungry if they asked why i wasn't eating :)
In uni i used to fear when the tutor marked the attendance roll... 'cause everyone had an anglo name, and i had a asian name... which was usually pronounced wrong and sounded weird... i feared what they might think of me... i feared what impression this might leave on the others in the class of me...
I was brought up in a korean church... which had a korean name... i feared when i would be asked what church i attend... 'cause i would have to say "Cheil Church." I would fear that they would either mishear or joke, "you go to jail (gaol) church?!"
But this fear i was cultivating eventually lead me to fear man (people)... rather than to fear God... even worse... it lead me to be ashamed of Jesus and his words because of this fear...
I fear when people ask me what do you do? Because the truth is "I go to bible college"... and when i've said the truth, people often hear it as an invitation to tell me what they believe... and boy have I heard some hurt and angry people and their view of God... I fear conflict... i don't know how to respond to it... so add fear of man and fear of conflict and you get one wus in me...
But it was only yesterday when something clicked...
I go shopping on tuesday to buy snacks for 18:20 cells. And when buying for many people you tend to buy a lot of the same stuff... so usually the check-out person asks me, "what's the occasion?" Again, i feared that if i say the truth i'd get into a one-sided (their sided) theological debate or attack... and so i thought of saying a half truth, "i have a meeting."
But this time i just said the truth... "it's for a church meeting."
She asks, "are you Christian?" I reply "yes"
She then immediately says, "me too..."
And so the conversation starts and we talk... she tells me about herself...
Then something unusual happens...
She stops checking my items in and grabs a piece of paper and a pen and asks for the address of my church.
WHAT is going ON?! i didn't even invite her... she invited herself!
Fear of man nearly caused me to miss out on God doing the work he had planned and desired...
Fear of man nearly caused me to miss out on the joy that i experienced, witnessing God at work and partaking in his work!
How many times have we because of fear of man, fear of people, fear of criticism, fear of failure, fear of gossip, fear of embarrassment, stopped the work of God and discounted ourselves from the joy that awaited us!
No wonder the most repeated commandment is "Do not fear" because truly... if they did fear, they would have blocked the work of God, and not experienced the joy of witnessing and partaking in the work of God. Imagine if Mary, mother of Jesus feared and said "no thanks, God"!!
I am reminded of the warning and invitation Jesus gave, "Whoever is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes into his glory and in the glory of the Father and the holy angels." (Luke 9:26)
I am learning not to fear man... and have started my journey of wisdom... fearing the Lord... and my prayer and hope is that we may we live as the Apostle Paul did... and "not be ashamed of the Gospel..." (Romans 1:16) and thus experience the joy of witnessing and partaking in His work.