Feeling fragmented and frazzled, many women today are caught in a vicious cycle trying to do too much, hold everything together, manage and control their circumstances, and avoid mistakes at all costs. But no matter how hard we try, there are many things outside of our control. In trying to do it all, we are undone ourselves. In Alyssa Bethke’s latest book, she shares about the struggle to let go of our struggles and unmet expectations and focus on turning our hearts to God. It’s a joy to welcome Alyssa to the farm’s table today…
Guest Post by Alyssa Bethke
One night last year, after everyone else was fast asleep in their beds, and I was gearing up for some hours of study on the couch for my seminary class the next day, I plopped down on our grey couch and pulled up my legs under me and got cozy. I was halfway done with my master’s, and I was loving every moment of learning and studying the Bible—a dream come true for me.
For the past months, I had chosen to fast from social media so I could really focus on hearing what the Lord wanted to speak to me. However, I had a few minutes to spare (okay, let’s call it what it was— procrastination), and I swiped my phone up and clicked on that little Instagram app. It sucked me in like quicksand.
They’re in Europe!
She’s coming out with a new podcast!
She’s coming out with a book!
She had a party tonight!
Look at her new house— wow!
She’s pregnant!
It wasn’t until ten minutes had passed that I finally, I looked up at the time, put my phone away, and grabbed my seminary book.
I sat down on the couch with a brownie in hand and let out a big sigh. I couldn’t concentrate on my book. I was excited for everyone’s updates on social media, truly. I knew the hard work that went into each project. So many of the announcements were answers to prayer, evidence of years of waiting and dreaming. I had prayed with a lot of those friends for those very desires.
And yet, within a matter of minutes, I also felt undone. What am I doing with my life? What do I have to show for my season? Who am I? What’s my purpose? Have I been wasting my life?
I felt insecure, unseen, and— here’s that word— worthless.
I was falling behind. I was missing it somehow. Shame came knocking at my door, and I let it walk right on in.
“To feeling that this life is not what you thought it would be, not only that it’s harder, but that no matter what you try, you can feel yourself unravel at times— in the big things of life and the small moments of our everyday.“
I am sure that in whatever season of life you are living right now, you can relate to falling into the comparison trap, to feeling insecure and disappointed with life. To feeling that this life is not what you thought it would be, not only that it’s harder, but that no matter what you try, you can feel yourself unravel at times— in the big things of life and the small moments of our everyday.
I know many of you can relate to feeling just flat-out exhausted from trying to manage the outcomes and the reality that life is not going the way you had hoped.
If you’re like me, you may find yourself struggling to know how to proceed, or to know what yours is to do, and to let go of holding your life and situations so tightly out of fear of everything falling apart. If we let go, will we fall apart?
But what about our hearts?
More than the outcomes, more than the situations themselves or even the endings to our stories; what about who we are becoming in the midst of all that is left undone?
When it comes to “keeping up with the Joneses,” breathing the air of our culture and walking in the demands and pressures of our day is insurmountably exhausting.
Because I hadn’t been on the ’Gram in so long, it was extremely apparent how quickly my heart swung from thankfulness and joy to insecurity and questions and doubts and— let’s just say it— jealousy late that night. And it’s not that social media causes those things in me, but rather it highlights the areas of my heart that are already broken.
The areas of my life that cause me to feel like I’m in pieces and that leave me weary and feeling forgotten. And my first response was not to run to the Father but to do something amazing! Insta-worthy. I felt the pressure to prove myself. Show myself. Which then quickly faded into self-pity.
But do I have anything to show?
As I sat on my oversized gray couch, having completely demolished my brownie, I was fighting to believe in my heart what I know in my head: it’s not about what you accomplish or do.
Yes, we’re made to partner with God in doing good works to bring His light to the world, but the most important gift you can give to people is your presence, your transformed self.
Who are you? Who are you becoming?
It’s not about your resume; it’s about your heart.
When I think of the most influential people in my life, my family and mentors who have helped shape me, I don’t think about their resumes. It’s not the things they’ve done that have changed my life. It’s who they are while they spend time with me that sticks with me— how they listen, look me in the eye, ask questions, make me feel like they have all the time in the world and are delighted to be with me. It’s their posture of kindness, grace, and love. It’s how they speak into my life, the wisdom and grace and truth that they share. How they pray over and for me. How they pursue me. How they are available.
“As you sit with Jesus, honest with your cares and heart, you will begin to gain sturdiness of soul, becoming secure no matter the outcomes.”
How they follow up to see how I’m doing with the burdens and cares that I share with them. It’s their very presence, their transformed selves, their whole and holy selves.
It’s that they too are on the journey of seeking to be full of Jesus and choosing to be fully devoted to Jesus. That is their gift to me.
The same is true of me. Of you. Of each one of us. Our greatest contribution on this earth, our greatest gift to others, is not what we can do and accomplish, but it is our transformed selves.
It’s choosing to look to Jesus, to sit in His love and let His love and light transform us. To slow down and become women who are self aware, honest, humble, and gracious.
And as you look to Jesus, turning your face toward Him, surrendered to His goodness and care, you will radiate with His love.
As you sit with Jesus, honest with your cares and heart, you will begin to gain sturdiness of soul, becoming secure no matter the outcomes.
Alyssa Joy Bethke loves Jesus, matcha, and the sun, and squeezes as much pickleball and reading into her week as possible. She is married to Jeff, the love of her life, and is mom to three of the greatest gifts: Kinsley, Kannon, and Lucy. The Bethke family recently moved from Maui to Tennessee and are embracing the wild adventure of a life surrendered to God. Alyssa and Jeff help reclaim God’s design for men, women, and families at Forming Men, Forming Women and Family Teams.
In When Doing It All is Undoing You, Alyssa Bethke gives you permission to let go of the emotional stress weighing you down and find beauty in the life you already live.
{Our humble thanks to Worthy Books for their partnership in today’s devotional.}